Congratulations.
I'm happy for you.
If you're familiar with Jewish holidays
Chag Semach, Happy Chanukah, or Good Shabbos
are all good responses at their respective times.
If you yourself are Jewish,
and you flash your star of David necklace,
I'll flash mine right back.
Who knows? We might even have the same one.
If you yourself are a Jew-by-choice
and want to tell me about your experience,
I'm all ears.
Asking why I'm converting isn't inappropriate, really
But if you want an answer other than "it felt right,"
Please be prepared to read my book.
And still not get an answer.
Explaining religious conviction
is about as easy as describing
the way the sun set over the New Mexico mountains
on August 1, 1998.
If you tell me you're going to pray for me,
thanks, I'll pray for you too.
Oh, you meant you were going to pray for my soul?
Because you think I'm going to Hell for all eternity?
Well, I have the privilege of not believing
in Hell anymore, so really, you don't need to bother.
If you ask if I'm going to be an "Orthodox Jew"
or a "Christian Jew," please read this book
on Jewish denominations
before rephrasing the question.
If you are Christian
and think Judaism would be hard
because "you have to follow Torah"
I will ask why you don't follow Torah.
Do not both the Jewish and Christian Bibles
begin with the same five books?
And if you respond anything
related to the laws changing
because of the New Testament
please take two pages of Talmud
and call me in the morning.
If you want to argue dogma,
please take two pages of Talmud and call me in the morning.
Do not tell me I'm brave
unless you can tell me what that means.
And if it's because you don't think could give up bacon,
legit.
That's what I said ten years ago.
If you want to come to synagogue
because you're religio-curious,
I'll ask if you're vaccinated
Because thems the rules.
If you tell me you're also Jewish,
I'm going to assume that means
you keep shabbat.
Or at least light Chanukah candles.
Or at the very least, that you don't worship Jesus.
If you do, please read the same book
on Jewish denominations
and call me in the morning.
If you say you have Jewish heritage,
but you recently converted to a different religion,
fair.
And by the way,
Congratulations.
I'm happy for you.
