Back in May, I had a student invite me to her birthday party. When I arrived, the boys were outside grilling, and the girls were in a circle on the kitchen floor, making spring rolls. The gendered division may or may not have been deliberate, but the conversation was... different. I can't give specific details on this, but I remember watching, hearing, the space change when the boys joined us. I could go into detail about scientific studies that have examined the differences between the way men and women relate to each other, but it's not important. My point is this: since everyone in that kitchen was a girl, they could talk about the experience of girlhood in a way that didn't require additional explanation. Everyone else in the room just got it. Because they had personally experienced it.
This is the same reason for creating affinity groups--spaces where people of color or trans people or handicapped people (or handicapped trans people of color) can be with others who just get it. But this phenomenon is in no way exclusive to these types of social minorities. It happens everywhere--between geeks at Comic-con, Cardinals fans at a ball game, and members of the BTS army. I experienced it most recently, when discussing my conversion to Judaism.
Converting is a difficult journey which can vary a lot from person to person. As with coming out or transitioning, converts have to find a way to broach the subject with loved ones. Some keep it a secret from unreceptive family members and others find themselves cutting people out of their lives entirely. Even those of us who have overwhelming support from family can be peppered with questions from others, especially if converting means growing out of a different religion. In addition, many converts struggle on a day to day basis with the question of whether they are Jewish enough. This is one reason it's considered impolite in Judaism to ask if someone is a convert or make them share their story. This is not to say that converts cannot share their stories, but that the decision to share should be yours alone.
Personally, I'm a whore for storytelling, so I'll happily pull a Rime of the Ancient Mariner and tell my story to anyone who will stand still long enough to listen. I like to answer people's questions (though I'm not always good at it) which is probably why I find myself up at midnight writing essays about the subject. Nevertheless, I recently had a chance to discuss my story with my conversion cohort, and the conversation was... different.
It's important to note that this conversation happened during Shavout, a Jewish holiday that celebrates God giving us the Torah at Mt. Sinai. According to Jewish tradition, all Jews--past, present, and future--converts included--were present for this event. We also celebrate Shavout by reading the book of Ruth, the OG conversion story. My conversion cohort stayed up late to study Torah (something else Jews do on Shavout), and in honor of Ruth, we told our stories.
I've mentioned that conversions are difficult journeys. But conversion stories are difficult to tell for other reasons... reasons that are hard to understand unless you've experienced them personally. For example, my story is nonlinear. It begins somewhere in 2020, when I realized I wanted to convert, but rather than moving forward from there, moves out in all directions, like ripples in a pond. But this is a common theme in conversion stories, as many converts notice life events that, in retrospect, were obvious signs they were Jewish. We also discussed the difficulty of explaining our decisions to others. People tend to ask why we're converting as if it's a purely logical choice, as if we make a pro and con list about religions and select the best one. And while I can provide a list of "reasons" for converting, the only truly satisfactory one was spoken by a friend that night. "It's a Mt. Sinai thing," they said, "you had to have been there."
While it may not be appropriate to share a conversion story, in a Jewish space, or otherwise, it is appropriate in a conversion space. Or rather, by sharing our stories with other converts we create a conversion space--a community of people who just get it. I am grateful to all the converts past and current who have reached out to share their stories with me. And if you've converted, or are in the process or considering, and you need someone to converse with, drop me a line. Because I've been there.
