Felitïa breathed in slowly. She held the breath for several seconds, then exhaled more slowly. She did it a couple more times. It was so much easier to achieve a state of calm when the Staff was being quiet like this. If only she weren’t so tired.

In the Room, the Staff loomed overhead, its pearl eyes glowing softly, but otherwise showing no signs of life. It was quiet. Alas, as much as Felitïa liked this, it wasn’t helpful at the moment.

“Nothing,” Agernon grumbled. “No activity at all. It’s like this piece of shit Staff does it on purpose. It knows when I’m trying to study it, and it shuts itself down.”

That was almost certainly exactly what it was doing. He knew it; she knew it. In situations like this, it was just best not to say anything, and let Agernon rant however he wanted.

“Fine. Open your eyes. We’ll try again later.”

Other times, though, it was worth speaking up. “Just give me a moment. I may still be able to make contact.”

“It’s never worked before.”

“Yes, and if we don’t keep trying, it never will.”

“You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?”

“Yes, I know that, but I’m not doing the same thing. I’m actually trying different things.”

He harrumphed. “Fine. Do what you need to.”

Felitïa smiled inwardly. He’d given in more easily this time.

In the Room, the Staff continued to float. Silent.

Felitïa reached out to touch it. She didn’t actually have hands to touch things with in this realm. It was just a place in her head after all. However, she could still touch things in a sort of mental way. She just imagined touching the Staff and she got a mental impression of what it felt like. It was exactly like the Staff in the real world, except bigger. That bigger size meant she could more easily explore its crevices, feel the grain of the wood.

Are you there? she asked as she ran an imaginary finger along the Staff’s length. You call to me at all other times. We just need to understand you, so I can help you. So I can understand what you’re trying to tell me. There’s no need to fight us.

The Staff remained silent.

Felitïa tried to grasp it. She’d never tried something quite like this before. Touching was one thing, but holding? Why should it be any different? Everything she did here was just an interpretation of some mental process. Surely there was something represented by grasping?

She took hold of the Staff and unhooked it from its position in that direction that wasn’t really above her, but she had decided to call above.

It was no longer quite as large. Or maybe it was she who had gotten bigger. Either way, it now seemed comparable to its size in the real world. She held it beside her. Again, she didn’t have a body, but she had a presence that had a kind of location.

Well? she asked.

Felitïa.

Finally.

“That’s it!” Agernon exclaimed. “It’s active! Keep it up!”

What do you want from me? Can you tell me? I’ve remembered some of what you say I have to remember. Is that it all? Is there any more? Please, I need you to tell me.

“It’s gone again. You lost it.”

There was a crash. Probably Agernon kicking something over.

Please, she pleaded to the Staff. Why won’t you cooperate?

The Staff remained silent.

Felitïa opened her eyes.

Agernon was picking up the chair he’d knocked over. He looked over at her and shrugged.

“Sorry,” she said.

“Pheh.” He sat down in the chair he’d just righted. “Don’t worry about it. It was better than we usually manage, and I was able to get a small glimpse of where it’s drawing its power from.”

That was one of the biggest mysteries they’d been investigating. “What did you learn?”

He grunted. “Only that it still seems to be self-generating, and that’s impossible. Except I saw a couple of circuits more clearly. Nothing extraordinary about them, but if I could see them all in operation together, I could probably start figuring a few things out. They’ll have the answer. I know it.”

Felitïa laid the Staff against the wall and sat in the chair beside him. “We’ll try again later.”

Felitïa.

She sighed. “It’s started again.”

“Of course it has,” Agernon said. “I’m not monitoring it. I told you. It knows. The damn thing’s sophisticated beyond anything I’ve even imagined before.”

Felitïa rubbed her temples. “If I could just concentrate better.”

“How’s your sleeping?”

She waited a moment before answering. “Still bad.” She’d been telling others that her sleep was improving. She didn’t want them worrying about her. But there wasn’t much point with Agernon. It was affecting the research, and she couldn’t mislead him as to the reason—not if she wanted this to actually be successful in the end.

He shook his head. “You really need to get help with that. We’ll never get anywhere if you can’t focus properly.”

“And where am I supposed to get help?” she snapped. “Point me in the right direction and I’ll go.”

He slammed his cane on the floor. “Don’t you take that tone of voice with me, young lady!”

Felitïa rubbed her temples some more. “Then stop bringing up the same thing every time. There is nowhere for me to go for this type of problem. There are no mentalists in Quorge. No one with any kind of expertise in this kind of problem. I just have to wait and hope Jorvan is successful.”

“And that’s likely to still be months before he’s back. By then, you could be dead from exhaustion. Or from the Staff having one of its fits and burning out your mind.”

“I highly doubt that’s likely.”

“It’s possible though.” He pointed his cane at her. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

Felitïa pushed the cane aside. “I’m trying, okay?”

“Not hard enough, I fear.”

She stood up. “Gods, how many times do we have to go through this? Every day? Twice a day? Because it’s certainly starting to feel that way.”

“Bah, it’s been at least a week since I last asked you.”

“No, you asked me two days ago.”

“I did not!”

Felitïa put her hand to her forehead. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to find Corvinian so we can do something productive.” She walked from the room, her hand shaking by her head.

In the kitchen, she stopped and leaned against the wall. Agernon was right. She did need help, but there really was nowhere to go. This wasn’t natural. She was sure of that now. For her or for Nin-Akna. But she couldn’t figure it out. There was no trace of mentalism magic doing it, and if someone was attacking her telepathically, she couldn’t sense that person. There were no other mentalists in Quorge—not openly, at least. She and Elderaan had been the only ones for as long as she’d been here. There was no one to suspect, and no one to turn to.

But it really was getting bad. It wasn’t just that she was losing focus or that she couldn’t concentrate. She was getting short-tempered. Just now with Agernon was a good example of that. She was forgetting things; she was reasoning poorly. She wasn’t quite having hallucinations like Nin-Akna, but every now and then, she thought she saw something at the edge of her peripheral vision.

Worst of all—something she hadn’t even let Agernon know yet—her lack of focus, her inability to concentrate meant she could barely cast spells right now. It took monumental effort to cast even the simplest spell.

About the only thing she could still do effectively was construct the Room in her head. That took very little effort and it was the only thing that gave her even a hint of focus.

She needed help.

She needed it desperately.

And there was absolutely nowhere to turn.

Felitïa took a deep breath and tried to gather what focus she had for the moment. What was she doing here anyway? Oh yes, she’d used looking for Corvinian as an excuse to get away from Agernon. Where was the boy anyway? Probably his room. Where was his room again?

She sighed and took a few more slow breaths.

Right. Corvinian’s room. It was in the cellar, and the door was just off the kitchen. That was why she’d come this way.

Nin-Akna’s and Corvinian’s voices were clear as soon as Felitïa opened the door to the stairs and started down slowly.

“No, you need to keep your legs just a little bent. Like that. Be relaxed, but alert. Stiff legs are easy to knock out from under you. And don’t hold the knife like that. You’ll stab yourself.”

“I was just trying to keep it out of your way while you showed me.”

“Yeah, but you don’t want it where your opponent can grab it and use it against you.”

“Oh hi, Felitïa.” Corvinian backed away from Nin-Akna, hiding a wooden dagger behind his back. “Uh, we were...um…”

They were in the centre of the room, away from the barrels, crates, and shelves against the walls. Corvinian’s room was through a door off to the side.

Nin-Akna turned to face Felitïa. “Before you say anything, Felitïa, he deserves to know how to defend himself.”

Felitïa stopped at the bottom of the stairs and leaned on the wall. “He’s only nine years old.”

“Ten in just a couple days!” Corvinian said.

“And that’s old enough to learn how to defend himself,” Nin-Akna said. “In Ninifin, he would have started training by now if he was to be a warrior when he grew up.”

“We’re not in Ninifin. Also, who says he’s going to be a warrior when he grows up?”

“What if I want to be one?” Corvinian said.

Felitïa closed her eyes for a moment. “Corvinian, you’re nine years old. You—”

“Almost ten!”

“You’re ten years old. You’re too young to make these decisions.”

‘You’re not my mom!”

She sighed. “Of course I’m not your mom. I’ve made no claim to be your mother.”

“Then why do you always tell me what to do? That’s all anyone does. You, Agernon, even Akna.”

“That’s because you’re nine years old.”

“Ten!”

“Right, almost ten. Whatever. You’re still...you’re still…” She shook her head, tried to clear her thoughts. “You’re still a child, and you’re in my custody for the time being.”

“I don’t get to do anything I want. It’s all make tea, cook dinner, stand over there and don’t move. I just want to do something I want to do for a change!”

Felitïa scratched at the wall with one hand and clenched her nails on her other hand into her palm. She scrunched her eyes. “That’s enough, Corvinian! I’m trying to help you, okay? We all are. We’re trying to find out more about you so we can protect you from the Darkers who are after you. So quit complaining and do as you’re fucking told!”

“I hate you!” Corvinian stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door.

Felitïa slid down until she was sitting on the floor against the wall. Gods, what was she doing?

Nin-Akna was starting at her. “Seriously, Felitïa? What the hell was that?” She shook her head. “You’re a wreck. I’m going to go talk to him, calm him down. Then we’re going to have a serious talk.” She stormed over to Corvinian’s door and banged on it. “Corvin, it’s me. I’m coming in.” She opened the door, stepped in, then closed it again behind her.

Felitïa buried her head in her hands. Gods, what was she doing? Yelling at him over such a small thing? Using that sort of language? She rarely used that sort of language with adults, but he was just a young child. She should apologise—

“You need to apologise to him,” Nin-Akna said.

When did she get here?

Nin-Akna was sitting on the stairs beside Felitïa. “He’s hurting, Felitïa. That was...that was…”

Felitïa sighed. She must have blacked out for a few minutes. That was happening a lot these days too. It was perhaps not surprising given how exhausted she was. It could be annoying when it happened, but at least it was a little sleep. She got so little other sleep these days. She closed her eyes and tears fell. “That was unacceptable of me. I’ll go apologise to him in a minute or two. I need to gather my thoughts, make sure I don’t do it again. I’m not well, Nin-Akna.”

“No kidding.” Nin-Akna leaned her head against the wall. “Neither of us is well, Felitïa. I’ve been saying so for months. Something’s wrong. It’s not natural. Look, I accept that lack of sleep does weird things to your head, and maybe my hallucinations and your lack of control are because we can’t sleep properly. But something’s stopping us from sleeping, Felitïa. This has gone on too long.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“Do you? You deny it most of the time.”

“Because I can’t find what’s doing it! There should be some trace of something, and there isn’t! So what the hell do you expect me to do?”

Nin-Akna glared at her. “Maybe start by doing what you said just a moment ago. Gather your thoughts and calm the fuck down.”

Felitïa lowered her head into her hands again. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think it’s worth doing all this research anymore, Felitïa. Not the studying at the Hall of Knowledge, at any rate. We’re not getting anything out of it in our state. You asked me to bring you the same book three times yesterday.”

Felitïa chuckled. She vaguely remembered doing that.

“Agernon can keep doing his work with Corvinian. Both of them can sleep, at least, but we should be limiting our involvement. We’re too...stressed.”

Felitïa snickered. “That’s putting it lightly.”

Nin-Akna shrugged. “Just trying to be diplomatic. Maybe if we just do relaxing things for a while, stop worrying about everything, maybe we’ll be able to sleep.”

Felitïa looked up at her. “You think so?”

Nin-Akna shook her head. “Not really, but at least we might be a little stressed.”

Felitïa smiled and nodded. “Anita tells me you’ve been avoiding her recently. Can I ask why? I would have thought spending time with her would be relaxing for you.”

Nin-Akna looked aside. “I...uh...I may have had a hallucination and done something stupid and now I’m too embarrassed to talk to her.”

“What did you do?”

Nin-Akna continued to look away. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Okay. You should talk to Anita, though.”

Nin-Akna finally looked back at Felitïa. “I will. Eventually. I just need a bit of time, that’s all.”

“I could talk to her on your behalf if you want. You know, just set things up for you. You don’t have to tell me what it’s all about.”

Nin-Akna smiled. “That’s nice of you, but it’s all right. I’ll deal with it on my own. Should do it soon, I suppose. She had a dress made for me for the ball on the thirty-second.”

Felitïa smiled. “She told me about that. You should probably show up for that.”

“Yeah, I probably should. So, um…” Nin-Akna looked away again, and shifted her weight on her legs. It took her a moment to say any more. In her exhausted state, Felitïa wasn’t getting much emotion from her or anyone. “When you talked to Anita, she didn’t mention anything about what happened?”

Felitïa shook her head. “Just said you’d been avoiding her.”

“Okay, so she didn’t mention… That’s good.”

“She didn’t say anything that would embarrass you. Whatever you did is between you and her.”

“And you can’t…?” She pointed to her head.

Felitïa laughed. “Even when I’m well-rested, it doesn’t work that way. I’ve told you that. At the moment, I’m lucky if I can tell the difference between happy and sad.”

“Okay, that’s good.” Nin-Akna shifted positions again, and looked straight at Felitïa. “Oh, to hell with it. Felitïa, I took your prayer beads, tried to use them, had a hallucination that Anita was Chica, and tried to kiss her, and...gods, I never should have taken the prayer beads without your permission.”

Felitïa stared at her. “My prayer beads?”

Nin-Akna nodded. “You know, the necklace with all the amethysts on it?”

Amar Padara’s prayer beads! The ones he’d given her! “I completely forgot about them. You took them?”

Nin-Akna looked at the wall. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I’ve been using them anyway.” Maybe it was appropriate to be angry at Nin-Akna right now, but she’d just had an idea. “Where are they now?”

“The prayer beads? Uh…” Nin-Akna grimaced. “I think Anita has them.”

A touch awkward, but easily dealt with. Felitïa stood up. “Okay, then let’s go to the palace. Time for you to make up with her.”

“Right now?”

“No time like the present,” Felitïa said.

“Aren’t you going to apologise to Corvin?”

“Shit.” Felitïa put her hand to her forehead. She was so out of it right now. “Right. I’ll apologise to Corvin first...wait, Corvin? Oh right, your nickname for him. I’ll apologise to him first, then we’ll go to the palace. Think about what you want to say to her. I’ll be right back.”

Felitïa walked over to Corvinian’s room and knocked on the door. She had no idea how well prayer beads would actually work. After Amar Padara had given the necklace to her, she had forgotten about it. There had been too many other things on her mind.

“What?” Corvinian called from inside.

“It’s Felitïa. Can I come in? I just want to talk. Not yell.” But if the beads did work even a little, maybe she could use them to help focus her thoughts.

“I suppose,” Corvinian said.

Felitïa opened the door and went in.

If she could focus her thoughts, maybe she could finally get through to the Staff.

* * * * *

Feodor Belone coughed hoarsely as Felitïa and Nin-Akna entered the library. He dabbed at his eyes and nose with a handkerchief, then looked up at them. He started to rise from his seat, but his wife, Siba, who was seated beside him, put a hand on his shoulder and whispered something. As best Felitïa could tell, it was something like, “You shouldn’t exert yourself.”

Felitïa curtsied. “Your Lordship, I’m happy to see you. Are you feeling better? You haven’t been out of your room in several days.”

Belone coughed. “Do I look it, your Highness?” His voice was rough, almost like a croak.

Felitïa shook her head. “Not really, but it seemed like the kind of thin etiquette requires me to say, or something like that.”

He laughed and fell into a fit of coughs. Siba leaned over him.

Anita rose from her place at Belone’s other side. She curtsied. “Your Highness.”

“My Lady,” Felitïa said.

Anita looked to Nin-Akna, smiled, then lowered her head. “Akna.”

“Anita,” Nin-Akna said.

Felitïa walked over to the end of the table. “Anita, would you mind if I spoke to your father and mother alone?”

Anita shook her head. “No, of course not, your Highness. I will leave you alone.” She curtsied.

As Anita passed her, Felitïa briefly took her hand and leaned in close. “Nin-Akna would like to talk to you.”

Anita curtsied again and replied softly. “Thank you, your Highness.”

After Anita and Nin-Akna had left, and the guards had closed the doors, Felitïa took a seat across from Lord Belone. A servant filled a cup of wine for her. “Thank you.” She placed the cup on the table in front of her.

“What can I help you with, your Highness?” Belone asked.

She wasn’t entirely sure what to say. Requesting to speak with him had just been a tactic to get Anita out of the room so Nin-Akna could talk to her. She really should have thought the idea through a little more. She would have if she weren’t too tired to think straight.

“Anything?” Belone prompted.

Felitïa smiled. “Apologies, your Lordship. I was just gathering my thoughts. I just want to let you know that I’m no well either. A different ailment from you, but…”

Siba leaned in close to her husband. “I said as much, didn’t I? I said her Highness wasn’t looking well. Exhausted, I thought. Your Highness, you shouldn’t be moving about the city as frequently as you do. There are all kinds of terrible diseases you can catch.”

“You’re right about the exhaustion,” Felitïa said. “I haven’t been sleeping well. I get a little bit here and there, but I’m lucky if I get more than an hour or two each night.”

Siba leaned forward and reached for Felitïa’s hand. “You should have said something much sooner, your Highness. I know a very good apothecary who could make you a sleeping draught. He’s been providing them for Feodor. It’s the only way he’s been able to sleep with that blasted cough.”

“That’s very kind of you, my Lady.” Felitïa doubted it would do much good. There were a lot of fraud apothecaries who still managed to do good business amongst nobles. Still, if it had been effective for Feodor Belone, perhaps it would be for her too.

“I could give you a little from Feodor’s supply. The apothecary will be here tomorrow and we have loads to get us through until then. When I see him, I will ask him to prepare a larger supply for delivery as soon as possible.”

“Again, very kind of you,” Felitïa said. “A supply for Nin-Akna would be very welcome too. She’s also had trouble sleeping.”

Siba retracted her hand and sat back in her seat. “Uh, yes, I can…”

“I will cover any additional expenses,” Felitïa said. She had no idea if she had enough money for that, but she’d deal with that in due time.

Siba nodded. “Of course, your Highness. I will ask him to prepare an additional supply for the...for Nin-Akna.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Think nothing of it, your Highness. It is no trouble.” Siba motioned to one of the servants, who came over and curtsied. “Go to my rooms and have my handmaids provide you with two bottles of his Lordship’s sleeping draught. Then bring them here immediately.”

“My Lady.” The servant curtsied and hurried from the room.

“What have the doctors or apothecaries said about your illness, your Lordship?” Felitïa asked.

Belone coughed some more. “Not much.”

Siba patted his back. “They have given him draughts for that as well. Unfortunately, they have not been as effective. Early on, they gave him little as they said it was a minor affliction that he would recover from quickly on his own. But it has gone on so long now, and just gets worse. We are starting to…” She turned her head aside and sniffed heavily. “We are starting to fear the worst.” She dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief.

“I have no intention of dying. Danel isn’t ready to take over.” Belone broke into another fit of coughing. It took at least half a minute or so for him to get it under control.

“You see what I mean?” Siba said.

“I’m sure you’ll recover, your Lordship, in time.” It was a trite statement, but Felitïa really needed for it to be true. She hadn’t always gotten along with Feodor Belone, and there were things she didn’t like about him, but Danel Belone taking over as Lord of the province was a far worse option. She could only imagine what sort of things he would do, starting with what he would do to Nin-Akna.

She couldn’t help but wonder if there was something unnatural about Lord Belone’s illness. There wasn’t much to point towards that other than his doctors had thought it minor at first. But many people died from illnesses that seemed minor at first. There was no reason to think this was any different—apart from the coincidence of its happening at the same time as her and Nin-Akna’s...illness? Condition? Whatever it was. His illness was completely different from theirs.

Hell, it was probably just her exhaustion talking, causing her to see patterns that weren’t there.

Belone had another coughing fit, and this one didn’t go away for some time. Belone motioned to his wife several times before she finally brought out a small bottle of liquid.

“It’s only been an hour since the last one,” Siba said. “We only have so much. We need to conserve it.”

Belone continued to motion to her through his coughs. After another moment, Siba gave in and handed him the bottle. He popped the stopper and drank down the contents. His coughing subsided. He placed the empty bottle on the table and took a deep breath. “That’s much better.” His voice was just a little bit less hoarse and raspy than it had been.

“Impressive results,” Felitïa said.

Belone nodded. “It only lasts for so long though.”

“And that time has been getting shorter and shorter,” Siba said. “He has to conserve it as much as possible. The apothecary can only make so much.”

“Understandable,” Felitïa said.

The door opened and the servant from earlier entered, and curtsied. Siba motioned her forward, and the girl placed two tiny bottles just like the one Belone had drunk from on the table.

“Thank you,” Siba said. “You may return to your regular duties.”

The servant curtsied again and moved off to the side.

Siba slid the bottles across the table. “There you are, your Highness. Drink a full bottle before you go to sleep. It is not the most pleasant tasting, but the apothecary says it’s safe to mix with wine to make it more palatable. I’m sorry we can only spare two bottles at this time, but as I said, tomorrow, I will ask the apothecary to prepare additional batches for you and Nin-Akna.”

Felitïa picked up the bottles. “Thank you, my Lady. This is more than generous of you.”

Siba bowed her head. “Now, if you will excuse us, your Highness, my husband should get some rest. I hope we will see you at dinner tonight.”

“I will try.” There was still so much to do today. Felitïa doubted she would make it. Still, she had missed a lot of dinners. For appearance’s sake, if nothing else, she should try to show up more often.

Siba rose from the table, then helped her husband to his feet. They shuffled to the door, a servant opening it for them. Lord Belone coughed a couple of times just before the servant closed the door behind them.

The servant who had gone to fetch the medicine came over to the table, curtsied to Felitïa, and began to collect the wine cups left by the Belones. She reached for the empty medicine bottle.

Felitïa held up her hand. “Wait. Leave that, please.”

The girl curtsied. “Yes, your Highness.” She collected the remaining cups, leaving only Felitïa’s, which Felitïa had not drunk from yet. Then she knelt to pick up something from the floor. “Do you wish the stopper as well, your Highness?” She held up the stopper Belone had tossed aside.

Felitïa nodded, and the girl placed the stopper on the table. Then she curtsied and withdrew.

Felitïa picked up the empty bottle and held it up to her nose. It had no smell. She had always been interested in herbs and herbal remedies, but had never really had much time to learn as much as she’d wanted. Meleng would know more if he were here. She plugged the bottle with the stopper and placed it and the two sleeping draughts Siba Belone had given her in one of her pockets.

She was being ridiculously paranoid, but she wanted to get these medicines analysed. She needed to know what was in them.

She rose from the table and left the library, the servants curtsying and the guards bowing as she went. She was getting much too used to that.

She was almost at the exit when she remembered Nin-Akna. With a sigh, she turned around. Nin-Akna would probably want to stay with Anita, but Felitïa had promised to always let her know where she was going. Oh, and there were the prayer beads, too. She had almost forgotten about them as well. Gods, she hoped this sleeping draught was what it was supposed to be. Maybe then she’d be able to think straight.

As she moved through the palace in search of Nin-Akna and Anita, she spotted Plavistalorik and called out a greeting to her. The Isyar nodded her head in recognition and continued on her way. To this day, Felitïa had still not gotten any more out of Plavistalorik than that one night in the library.

After some asking around, Felitïa tracked Nin-Akna and Anita to the conservatory at the far side of the palace. The guard at the entrance bowed as she approached and opened the door for her. Nin-Akna’s and Anita’s voices were clear as soon as Felitïa stepped inside, although they were concealed by the grapefruit trees.

“You should have seen her this morning,” Nin-Akna said.

Was there something about acoustics in a conservatory Felitïa had never noticed before? It wasn’t like she spent a lot of time in glasshouses, but Nin-Akna didn’t seem to be yelling or otherwise speaking loudly.

“She just exploded at Corvinian.”

Felitïa stopped moving and listened.

“He was being a bit of a brat, admittedly, but he had a point. The poor kid is treated like a slave. All Felitïa wants to do with him is subject him to endless tests to find out about his abilities, and when he’s not running the tests, Agernon has him doing all kinds of errands. Corvin’s stuck doing everything for those two. He deserves a chance to do something for himself. He wants to learn to defend himself, and I’ve been teaching him in the rare moments we can find for it. Felitïa caught us and had a fit.”

“Sounds like she’s really stressed out,” Anita said. “You’ve said she’s having as much trouble sleeping as you.”

“I know. But it took until today for her to even admit that maybe it isn’t natural. That something’s going on. She insists there are no signs or something. Magical mumbo jumbo.”

“So what do you think that means?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s too exhausted to find the signs, or…”

“Or what?”

“She’s lying.”

Anita laughed. “Why would she do that?”

“I don’t know,” Nin-Akna said. “I half wonder at times if, maybe...maybe she’s the one doing it.”

“Now, you’re being paranoid.”

“Probably. It’s just…”

“What?”

Nin-Akna sighed.

Wow, the acoustics were amazing in here if Felitïa could hear that. She couldn’t even detect their emotions yet, but she could hear a sigh? Then again, her telepathy was near useless these days anyway.

“She’s supposed to be this all-powerful Will-Breaker,” Nin-Akna said. “I don’t know exactly what that means, but the priests in Ninifin—the ones who knew the Secrets—seemed to think it was a really big deal and that she was massively powerful. She says there’s a block of some sort on her powers, but I’m starting to wonder how much I really trust her. You know?”

“I think you both need to figure out how to get some sleep,” Anita said. “Once you’re properly rested, you can look at these things with a clearer head.”

“I suppose you’re right. Still, if...if I needed to...that is, if I need to confront her in some way, would you...would you support me?”

“It it was necessary, yes, but Akna, you desperately need to figure out how to get some sleep because you are seriously paranoid right now and not thinking straight. If you want, I can go with you to talk to her, help you reason through the situation. I think both of you need to stop doing everything you’re doing during the day. Stop the research, the tests, whatever you’re doing, even training Corvin. You need to rest and get rid of all the stresses. Then maybe you’ll be able to sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Nin-Akna said. “Again.”

“I have to be useful for something. I’m not an all-powerful Will-Breaker or a warrior like you. I guess wisdom is my special skill.”

They both laughed. Then they fell silent.

Felitïa stood where she was a little while longer. She felt a bit guilty eavesdropping on them like this. Their conversation also concerned her. Was she really behaving in such a way as to make it hard for Nin-Akna to trust her? Yes, she had been unfair to Corvinian, and she had apologised to him for that, but that couldn’t be enough to lose trust in her, could it?

“Mm.”

Felitïa wasn’t sure which one of them that was.

“Mm.”

Maybe it was both of them.

“I’m so glad you came back to me,” Anita said.

Felitïa took a deep breath. It really was time she either made her presence known or left.

“And think about it. Felitïa can’t be all terrible. She let you come to me, even encouraged you, like you said.”

Felitïa took a couple steps forward.

Nin-Akna sighed again. “That’s half the problem, Anita. She let me. I’m stuck doing what she says all the time.”

Felitïa stopped moving again.

“She makes decisions for me all the time. I don’t think she even realises she’s doing it. It just comes naturally to her or something. But I am so fucking fed up of it. I totally understand how Corvin feels. We’re both basically her slaves.”

“I shouldn’t have said let,” Anita said. “I honestly think she was just trying to help there.”

“She was just trying to get her fucking prayer beads back.”

“Akna…”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m being paranoid. Fine. Let’s get out of here. She’s probably looking for me now, and I need to give her this stupid necklace back.”

“Akna, please just wait a moment…”

“You coming or not?”

“Yes, just give me a moment. I’ll be right behind you.”

Felitïa’s first instinct was to cast a spell to hide her presence, but then she remembered she didn’t have the focus for spellcasting right now. She should just confront Nin-Akna.

No, not like this.

She stepped off the path and ducked behind a tree trunk. A moment later, Nin-Akna stormed past.

Maybe she should show herself to Anita? That would still mean revealing she’d eavesdropped on them, and that would just make it even harder for Nin-Akna to trust her. So she stayed where she was.

A few moments later, Anita hurried past.

Once Anita was out of sight, Felitïa stepped back onto the path.

Gods, she’d screwed things up. She needed to slow down and rest.

Still a few things to do today first, though. They just couldn’t wait.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, she’d rest. Maybe the rest of the week. Agernon would understand; she’d make him understand. He was always complaining she wasn’t rested enough anyway.

Now then, what were those things she still needed to do today?

Oh right, find out what she could about Belone’s medication and the sleeping draught. Just to put her mind at ease. And the prayer beads. She had to collect the prayer beads. That meant finding Nin-Akna again.

Nin-Akna first.

* * * * *

There was a figure in front of Angelida’s, sweeping away snow from the afternoon’s snowfall. Bundled in a heavy coat and head wrapped in a shawl, the figure wasn’t recognisable from down the street, but Felitïa could be pretty certain it was Angelida. Either that or somebody working for Angelida. Who else would be clearing the shop entrance?

Felitïa watched for a minute or so. Returning here was still proving emotionally tough. She’d been back in Quorge for a month and a half, and she still hadn’t gotten the courage to come here. Her lack of sleep and general exhaustion had no doubt made it more difficult for her, but she could make all sorts of excuses for not coming out here. None of them changed the fact she should have by now.

Finding Nin-Akna again had been simple enough. At least, she was fairly certain it had. Thinking back on it now, she couldn’t remember it very well. She had retrieved the prayer beads. She knew that. They were in her scrip now. However, she couldn’t quite remember how Nin-Akna had reacted or what she had said. Felitïa was pretty certain the encounter had gone fine though. Nevertheless, it was disturbing she couldn’t fully remember it. This trip was definitely necessary.

At least she remembered what happened next.

After leaving Nin-Akna to her own devices, Felitïa had gone to the Hall of Knowledge to speak to Ezmelda. It was mainly to get advice on who to talk to about analysing the medications.

“Angelida,” Ezmelda had said without hesitation.

“Oh, okay,” Felitïa had said. “Thank you.”

“Are you going to go to her, or should I give you my second choice?”

Felitïa’s mouth went dry. “Sorry?”

Ezmelda smirked as she sat back down at her desk. “Let me see one of those bottles.”

Felitïa handed her one of the sleeping draughts.

Ezmelda removed the stopper and brought the bottle to her nose. She sniffed.

“I didn’t know you were experienced with these kinds of things.”

Ezmelda shook her head and put the stopper back in the bottle. “Just a passing fancy I once had. It’s been years since I’ve done anything with it. I was merely curious how much I might have remembered.” She handed the bottle back to Felitïa. “Angelida commented the other day that you hadn’t been round to visit her. I assume you’ve been avoiding her because you’re not yet ready to face your memories of Elderaan. That’s why I asked if you wanted my second choice.”

“And your second choice is you?”

Ezmelda laughed. “No, that was...never mind. Go see Angelida. She can probably help you. In more ways than one.”

Felitïa had left the Hall of Knowledge in a state of confusion, but that was absolutely due to exhaustion. The walk to Angelida’s had given her time, however, to work out Ezmelda’s double meaning.

She really wasn’t ready to face her memories of Elderaan. Spending all this time with Agernon was fine because that wasn’t at the shop. But even though she barely knew Angelida, the location made all the difference.

Enough standing on the street watching. She strode forward, just as the figure went into the shop. Felitïa entered just as the individual was removing her outerwear.

It was not Angelida, although she was of a similar size. She was a young Eloorin girl, maybe fourteen or fifteen. She turned to Felitïa with a wide smile. “Welcome to Angelida’s! Can I help you?”

Felitïa looked around her. So much had changed. It didn’t even look like how she remembered Angelida’s redesigns just before Felitïa left over a year ago. There were a few familiar things, like a selection of herbs—both fresh and dried, and in a much larger supply than Elderaan had carried—near the entrance. No rats, though, unless they were hidden behind some of the shelves. There were a lot more books than Elderaan had carried as well.

“Ma’am?” the girl said.

Felitïa smiled at her. “Sorry, just reminiscing a bit. I...um…” Pressure was building up in her sinuses and tears in her eyes.

“Are you all right?”

Felitïa sniffled. “Yes, I’m...I’ll be fine. I’d like to see Angelida if I could, please.”

“She’s resting at the moment,” the girl said. “But I know our full stock well, and I’d be happy to help you find whatever you’re looking for.”

“I’m not actually looking for anything. I need Angelida’s expertise on something. If you could just tell her Felitïa’s here, that would be great.”

The girl gaped. “Felitïa? That Felitïa?”

“Maybe? Probably, I suppose. I can’t imagine too many other Felitïas get talked about around here these days.”

“She said you might come by. I’ll go get her immediately.” The girl hurried to the door to the back. At least that and the sales counter were still in the same spot. “I’m Feena by the way,” she called back as she disappeared through the door.

“Nice to meet you, Feena,” Felitïa muttered to the empty room.

While she waited for Angelida, Felitïa began looking around the shop. The rats really were gone. Felitïa kind of approved of that. She’d always felt a little wrong whenever she’d sold one of them. Terrible images of what the buyers might do to the rats always went through her head, but they had also been one of Elderaan’s best sellers.

Either Lon or Nesh scampered across her shoulders. She couldn’t tell which, and that was frustrating. She used to just know which one was where—based partially on the way they moved, but also on their mental presences.

Apart from the rats, the inventory was fairly similar. There were only so many ways to put a magic shop together. There was a shelf full of thin wooden rods. Some were just plain solid cylinders; others were carved with designs. None were long enough or thick enough to be staffs. Many were about the right length for a cane or short walking stick, but none looked balanced right, and none had handles. Felitïa had no idea what they were for.

A throat clearing alerted Felitïa to the presence of others. Gods, if she weren’t so tired, she would have noticed them sooner. She turned around.

Angelida stood there, Feena just off to the side. Angelida was looking older than Felitïa remembered despite it only being a year. She was hunched over, supporting her weight on an elegantly carved cane. That was the main thing making her look older, Felitïa realised. She hadn’t had the cane before. The rest of her looked much the same—particularly the same mane of grey curls. Her yellow-brown skin was a bit mottled with age.

“Felitïa, dear, I’m so glad you finally came round.” Angelida smiled broadly. She motioned to Felitïa to come closer.

Felitïa approached. She wasn’t sure how best to greet Angelida. They didn’t know each other well, and from what little time they had spent together last year, Angelida had never seemed the hugging type. She had come across as a straight-to-business sort, though that might have been to hide her own grief at Elderaan’s death.

Angelida turned as Felitïa approached. “We’ll talk in back where we can be comfortable. Feena, be a dear and prepare us some tea. You can close up the shop early today.”

That cleared up the greeting question.

Feena curtsied. “Yes, ma’am.”

Angelida moved surprisingly quickly for someone with a cane, though perhaps it only seemed that way since Agernon was the only other person Felitïa knew who regularly used a cane. He tended to walk slowly. Angelida’s cane was certainly much quieter than Agernon’s; the bottom looked padded, so it didn’t clack the way his did.

Felitïa followed her into the back, past the kitchen into what was originally Felitïa’s room and later Elderaan’s when he could no longer manage the stairs. It now had a couch along one wall and a couple chairs facing it. Paintings hung on the walls, and a fur carpet lay on the floor.

Angelida made straight for the couch and dropped into it. She motioned to the chairs. “Have a seat, dear.”

Before sitting down, Felitïa removed her cloak and scarves. She hung them over the back of the chair, then sat down. “It’s good to see you, Angelida. You’re looking good.”

Angelida leaned forward and squinted at her. “Whereas you look terrible.”

Felitïa sighed. “I suppose I must. I haven’t been sleeping well. Not for...months.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s actually what I came to see you about.”

Angelida sat back. “Really? Not to talk about Elderaan?”

Felitïa shrugged. “Well, it’s part of why I came here. As for Elderaan, I...I’m not sure.”

Angelida’s eyes narrowed. “I see. In that case, let’s start with the sleeplessness. I have a few things in stock that might help, though Feena could have helped you with those.” She tilted her head. “She said you wanted my expertise. I’m not really an expert on insomnia. I would have thought Agernon would know more about that.”

“He’s a good doctor,” Felitïa said, “for physical injuries and illnesses. He’s not really good at things with the mind though. But I was…” She fumbled for her scrip and pulled out the three bottles. “I was given a sleeping draught. Lord Belone’s wife offered it to me. It was made by an apothecary who’s been treating her husband. He’s been… I don’t know if I’m actually supposed to tell others this. It’s certainly not something they want spread about, but Lord Belone has been quite ill the last couple months and he just seems to be getting worse. Anyway, my...uh...my tiredness...that is…” She paused and put a hand to her head, took a moment to uncloud her thoughts. “Sorry. I’m so tired, I have trouble staying focused these days. Where was I? Right. My tiredness is making me paranoid, I think, and well...I was hoping you could analyse the contents of the sleeping draught. Make sure it’s safe. Also, I have a bottle that had a dose of another medication the apothecary has been giving Lord Belone for his illness. It’s used, but there should still be traces that could be analysed. I just can’t help getting the feeling...like I said, it’s probably paranoia, but…”

Angelida held up her hand. “Let’s take this one step at a time. Pass me one of those bottles. The sleeping draught. I’m afraid I don’t know much about matters of the mind, but sleeping draughts are entirely about the body.”

Felitïa leaned forward and placed one of the sleeping draughts into Angelida’s outstretched hand.

Angelida sat back and popped the stopper, then sniffed the contents. “Mm hmm. It’s a sleeping draught all right. I’d have to do some tests to be precise, but it’s a strong one. Definitely stronger than anything I sell here.”

“Is that dangerous?” Felitïa asked.

“Not if used in moderation. Overuse could cause a dependency, I suppose. The main issue is a dose this strong will knock you out fast, and it’ll be hard for anyone to wake you for several hours. I prefer to prescribe milder doses that make you drowsy. Still, in your case, drowsiness is probably not enough. I’ll do some tests to be sure, but I think you can safely use these. Now the other.”

Angelida reached out and handed the bottle back, taking the medicine bottle from Felitïa. She removed the stopper and sniffed at this one as well. “Hmm. Odourless. I’ll need to do tests on this one. That said, you’re almost certainly being paranoid, Felitïa. Folith nobles tend to have more than enough money and security to ensure their doctors don’t poison them.”

Felitïa nodded. “I know. I’m just…”

“Suffering from sleep deprivation and paranoia. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I thought…” How much should she tell Angelida? She hadn’t thought about that before coming here, though she should have expected her condition would draw such a question. “I don’t know what I thought. I just...can’t sleep. Not for more than a very short time.”

Angelida stood up. “I think you should take that draught tonight. Hopefully, it will give you some much needed sleep. It will also give me time to analyse the traces left in this other bottle. Come talk to me in a few days when you’re better rested.” She walked back to the door, motioning for Felitïa to follow her.

Feena came into the room, carrying a tray with a tea pot and a couple of teacups.

“Felitïa is leaving sooner than expected,” Angelida said to the girl. “But you and I can share the tea, Feena dear. Just set it down on the table over there, and I’ll join you after I’ve seen Felitïa off.”

Feena curtsied. “Yes, ma’am.”

Felitïa stood up, but her eye caught on Angelida’s cane, still resting by the couch. She looked over at Angelida, who was standing tall and not hunched. “Angelida?”

“Yes, dear? Hurry up, please. You need proper rest.”

“Your cane,” Felitïa said. “Don’t you need it?”

“Not at the moment. I have some arthritis in my knee. It comes and goes.”

“Oh, right.” Felitïa walked over to join Angelida, who led her back through the kitchen and into the front room.

Angelida opened the front door. “I hate to seem rude, my dear, but you are in no condition to be out at the moment. You need sleep and you need it desperately. Can you make it back to the palace?”

“You know I’m staying at the palace?”

“Yes, it’s pretty common knowledge. Besides, you also told me.”

“I did?”

Angelida nodded. “Yes, just before you passed out.”

“I passed out?” Not again.

Angelida shook her head sadly and sighed. “Just for a minute, but yes. I’ve a mind to send Feena with you, just to make sure you make it there.”

Felitïa shook her head. “That’s kind of you, but I can make it on my own.”

“Very well, but no dallying.”

“I’ll go straight there.”

Angelida stared at her a moment. “Well, go on then. I’m getting cold, and that does a number on my arthritis.”

“Yes, of course. Sorry.” Felitïa hurried out and Angelida closed the door behind her.

Angelida’s voice came from within. “Feena, bring me my cane!”

Felitïa trudged through the snow back towards the palace. That had been an odd meeting. Why had Angelida pushed her away so suddenly? Was it because of her blackout? Probably. She was showing concern; that was the logical conclusion. Wasn’t it?

Could she have had some other motivation? Something she hadn’t wanted Felitïa to see or find out? That was a logical conclusion too, wasn’t it?

No, that was the paranoid conclusion, she told herself.

And there was the matter of the cane.

No, that was being paranoid, too. Angelida’s explanation made sense.

Angelida was right. She needed to sleep. Desperately. She’d already known that, but it seemed more definite now somehow. She’d take the sleeping draught as soon as she got to her room and got changed for bed.

No, wait. She should get the other bottle to Nin-Akna first. What if Nin-Akna wasn’t in the palace, though? Should she wait? It might be better to wait until tomorrow to give it to Nin-Akna. That way, Felitïa could test it tonight to make sure it was safe first. Yes, that was the best idea.

She hoped it was the best idea.

She really had little idea which ideas counted as good and which counted as bad anymore.

* * * * *

Getting back to the palace and her room went quickly. In fact, by the time Felitïa was sitting on her bed, ready to lie down, the sleeping draught in her hand, she barely even remembered the walk. She barely remembered changing either, but she was just in her night shift now, so she must have changed.

Lon scurried across her thigh. She picked him up with her free hand, and held him up to her face. “Ready for me to actually get some sleep?” She waited for him to reply, but he said nothing. Not that that was surprising. “You really don’t care, do you?” She put him down again, beside Nesh who was staring quizzically at her. “You don’t care, either, do you?” The two rats scurried across the bed together.

She looked at the tiny bottle.

No time like the present.

She popped the stopper out, lifted the bottle to her mouth, and tipped it.

The total contents amounted to just a few drops. It had a sharp taste, not really sour or sweet, but definitely bitter. She swallowed quickly and put the bottle aside. Then she lay down, rolled onto her side and got as comfortable as she could.

Then she waited.

Hoped sleep would come.

Someone banged on her door.

“Felitïa?” It was Nin-Akna. “You in there?”

She wasn’t sure what to do. If the draught worked, she should fall asleep soon.

“Felitïa? You in there?”

Felitïa sighed and called out, “Yes, come in!”

The door opened and Nin-Akna slipped in. “You’re in bed.”

Felitïa propped herself up on an elbow. “I know it’s still kind of early, but I’m just so exhausted, and I’m not functioning properly. I have to try to sleep.”

Nin-Akna closed the door and walked to the bed. “I can understand that. Wouldn’t mind doing it myself.” She stopped and picked up Felitïa’s scrip. “Did you take the sleeping draught?”

Felitïa sat up. “You know about that?”

Nin-Akna began searching through the scrip. “Lady Siba said she gave you one for me too. Just like you to hoard them both to yourself and not tell me about them.”

“No, Nin-Akna. It’s not like that. I wasn’t sure if you were here, and I thought I should test one first. Make sure it was safe.”

Nin-Akna took out the second sleeping draught. “Fuck you, Felitïa. You eavesdrop on me, you hide this from me.”

“Eavesdrop? You...you...know?”

Nin-Akna sneered at her. “You’re pathetic, you know that? I don’t know why I ever liked or trusted you.” She tossed the scrip at Felitïa, spilling its contents about the floor and bed.

“No, Nin-Akna. I’m sorry. I’m not thinking straight. I…”

Nin-Akna stormed back to the door. “No more excuses, Felitïa. I’m done with you. I’m going back to Ninifin. Try to stop me and I won’t hesitate to kill you. Have a nice sleep.” She flung the door open, stormed out, and slammed it behind her.

Felitïa sat in the bed, watching, quivering.

Dear gods, what had she done?