LIMINALITY
Table of Contents
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46 Chapter 47 Chapter 48 Chapter 49 Chapter 50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52 Chapter 53 Chapter 54 Chapter 56 Chapter 55 Chapter 56 Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59 Chapter 60 Chapter 61 Chapter 62 Chapter 63 Chapter 64 Chapter 65 Chapter 66 Chapter 67 Chapter 68 Chapter 69 ENDChapter 46
Sitting on the very edge of an empty rooftop with his weapon placed near him, Janus watched the beautiful sunrise ascending from the far horizon of the vast ocean, producing a bright, colorful array of glittering gold, crimson, and possibly cerulean, filled with billowy clouds.
Although the scene would've normally been relaxing, where seagulls fly in the air with their high-pitched cries and the faint scent of salt fills his nostrils, he instead was preoccupied by thoughts of what he had done last night and, more importantly, the affection of loving someone other than himself.
He can't rest, nor can he stop thinking about how his feelings towards Saomi manifested after he began to actually care for other beings. To him, she is likely something more than a platonic relationship, confusing him with all sorts of emotions ranging from sadness to happiness and so forth that he can't fathom.
It would be difficult to confess them when Janus is not human at all; in fact, Janus is nowhere a living, breathing being but something. A god that can be seen by all and yet, at the same time, no one. Something that should remain cold, uncaring, and indifferent to everything that it touches because of their status.
So why couldn't he feel the same way these humans do? Or is he just trying to be one, even though he's not a man, animal, or beast? Just an otherworldly godlike entity who couldn't or shouldn't try to blend in with these mortals that tries to find their meaning in the pitiful lives they have.
"Janus?"
Snapping out of his thoughts, he let out a heavy sigh of exasperation, feeling exhausted and lethargic as he turned around to see her standing by the stairway entrance to the roof, looking at him with her concerned face after having opened the door.
"What?" He said plainly, not wanting her to ask again whether he is alright or not because, frankly, he is not, "Is it something of importance?" Janus added, staring at her in his usual aloof state through the corner of his purple eyes, "Because if not, I wish for you to leave me be."
She frowned. "Can you stop that?" Saomi answered as she slowly walked towards him, "Acting so cold, uncaring, and indifferent is not the reason why I came here, so don't make it my fault when it isn't." Sitting next to him, she continued with her stern face, "and it's definitely not because I'm worried about you."
"Hmph..."
Softly sighing as she changed to her sympathetic expression from watching him return to his usual brooding, looking out to the sea with his empty gaze as if lost in thought, "Everyone is currently dining together in the lunch area; you want to come?" Smiling innocently as he turned around to see her, she attempted to cheer him up for whatever reason.
He shook his head, not interested in conversing with anyone at the moment. "I'm busy thinking and reflecting on yesterday; you may go and tell them that." He responded, turning around again to the same sight he had been observing for the past several hours.
Frowning once more, she proceeded to lightly punch him in the arm in protest. "They are your comrades too, Janus," Saomi chastised, not letting him continue to brood or wallow in misery in the slightest bit. "Whether you like it or not, they are important to us too, so you can't keep doing this to yourself alone!"
Raising an eyebrow, Janus asked, "What do you mean by that?" As he curiously peered over to look at her, hoping she could elaborate more about what she had in mind, "I'm not even human to begin with," he reminded her, "therefore I have no reason to engage with them beyond necessity."
Hearing him say that, she merely expressed a worried look on her face when he reminded her of who and what he truly is, causing a feeling of pity to wash over her when she realized what it implied: "Is this what it's about?" Trying to piece the puzzle together, "Is that the real reason why you don't want to hang out with other people or even be around us because you're better than us?"
Janus stared at her in disbelief. "No, I..." Closing his eyes briefly, he turned down at the calm waters before opening them. "I don't think I can ever relate to you people," he said honestly, stating what he felt: "My time on this earth is not even my own, and yet you all care enough to bond with the likes of me? Who is immortal and doesn't have a single clue of what the true meaning of humanity even means other than merely being an outsider?he told her," telling her his innermost thoughts in his typical grim voice.
The atmosphere became silent and still—the kind of silence that lingers for what seems like forever and a day. The wind was barely noticeable; the faint whisper of a breeze against the ocean's surface was the only sound audible. While the smell of salt and brine hung heavy in the air as its illuminating sun beat down on their faces.
Their clothes flutter gently in the wind, and their silhouettes cast shadows beneath their feet. Both of them remained motionless for several seconds, neither saying nor moving from where they sat, quietly taking in the moment of peace and quiet until she finally spoke.
"You want to understand humans." The solution to her friend's problem was obvious in her mind as a genuine smile graced her lips. "Are you afraid of us or curious, I wonder?" Saomi teasingly asked, smiling mischievously in response, which he simply shrugged off as he considered her question seriously.
"Both."
Hearing this answer, her cheerful expression vanished without a trace, leaving behind a sympathetic appearance. "Then why don't you start by opening up to others? That way, they can teach you all that you need to learn about us and more." gently offering advice, "It's okay to be confused, but don't let it get the best of you." Her words were comforting and warm like the rising sun itself.
As he sat there motionless for a long time, unable to speak and instead listening closely to what she had to say, he contemplated the idea and quickly dismissed it after remembering who he was. "You don't get it, Saomi," Janus countered, shaking his head slightly as he tried to explain. "I can't interact with you people like a normal human being does because I don't know what it's like to be one." The pained voice behind his sentence was heard as clearly as a bell ringing inside their hearts.
Noticing the shift in his voice, Saomi reached out toward him and touched his hand with her own. She held it tightly while staring into the slide of his face, refusing to look back at her in return. "Janus, look at me." Her soft, gentle tone still couldn't get his gaze to turn towards hers.
Empty silence was all she received. "Please, Janus?" She desperately begged, begging for him to acknowledge her presence, "Just talk to me." The frustration and helplessness were evident in her words, making the god of time ever more conflicted about his position in all of this.
Finally, he complied and turned his gaze upon her. "Why?" Tears flowed freely from his eyes, dripping onto the sand below as he wept openly and unashamedly. His pain, so raw and visible, was painful to watch for anyone who is present in this. "Why are you making me feel this way?" His words came out in choked sobs, sounding less like an arrogant deity and more like a small child who was lost and alone.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers while he continued to cry and weep openly in front of her. There was no shame or embarrassment in his actions, only pure agony at what he is: "I don't know what I am!" He exclaimed loudly as his hands held hers.
"A god or a thing?!" He whispered quietly before raising his voice again, "Or perhaps even a monster!?" Shouting in anguish, Janus broke away from their embrace before holding his chest where his heart is supposed to be. "I'm not a person, animal, or machine!" Janus shouted in frustration as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself.
"Janus, wait—"
She tried to stop him from continuing forward, but her plea fell on deaf ears as the god of time stood up from his seat and walked away. "I don't need to associate with lesser beings like you or anyone else for that matter." Quiet like a mouse, he then tearfully walked back to the entrance where they came from.
"Janus! Janus!!" Saomi quickly got up from her feet before running after him. "Listen to me; I know why you're feeling this way." She spoke loudly enough to reach his ears. "Just stop and listen what I have to say before—" The moment she placed her hand on one of his shoulders, he quickly spun in motion and grabbed her neck tightly.
Raising her entire body, he had so many conflicting emotions behind his sobbing display: "Before what? BEFORE WHAT?!" Raising his voice and growling in frustration, "Do you honestly want me to listen to what you have to say at all?!" He angrily spat, "I can never relate to anyone other than myself!" He continued to watch her gasp for air as he tightened his grip ever further.
"The mere thought of it sickens me to my core."
"What are you doing?! Stop it before she gets killed!" Vesta screamed in fear at the thought of seeing an innocent person being killed by their host: "Janus, I said stop!" Continuing to raise her voice louder, he felt pressure on the side of his mind but refused to budge.
Culsans were amused by this turn of events. "Oh, drama!" Mockingly cheering in the background while laughing hysterically, "This is turning into a soap opera! Hahahaha!" He could tell that this whole situation was getting out of hand as it progressed.
Portunus, the logical one out of the five, tried to gain their host's attention by saying, "If you kill her, the consequences will be severe." He warned the God of beginnings and ended with a serious tone, "not just about our survival but also the reputation of yourself." He pointed out how others will judge this moment.
And yet, his passionate emotions overtake any reason behind them, preventing Janus from acting logically after hearing out what others had to say. Yet the young woman he is strangling remained calm despite being choked to death.
"J-Janus..." She desperately said through his grip, "P-please..." Her orange eyes stared down at him in judgmental silence. Despite having difficulty breathing, her pitiful stare was what he got from her before she raised her hand to softly hold the side of his face.
"I love you."
In an instant, he let her go as Saomi dropped to the ground, gasping for air while coughing. As for Janus, he looked dumbstruck at this confession with his mind in an utter state of confusion. "What?" Staring down at his own hands, he realized what he had done.
"Oh no, no, no, no!" Horror, confusion, and guilt started to build up inside the God of beginnings and ends. "I almost..." Eyes widening from what he had imagined himself to, he couldn't even finish his sentence, "How could I? Why would I?" Janus asked himself the very questions he did not know the answer to.
"Janus?" Regaining her strength, she steadily stood up from almost being knocked out cold. "Are you okay?" Gathering her bearings, she laid her eyes upon the hurtful and lonely god who doesn't grasp what it means to be a living, breathing human.
Raising his head slowly, he stared at her in watchful silence, visible blue-colored tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry," Janus whispered ever so quietly that even Saomi herself barely heard before immediately jumping to the skies above.
Creating a thundering boom as she braced herself from the strong winds coming in contact with her, having witnessed him jump high enough to make a dusty sonic boom as he left for somewhere where she could not hope to follow, "Janus..." Sadness formed in her heart when she called out to him, knowing she could do nothing to reach him.
Dropping to her knees, she knelt down with her head lowered. "Why can't you say those words back?" Saomi knows they both cared for one another; however, the only obstacle was Janus uncertainty about himself and his humanity: "If only there was some way I could truly help him."
Hearing a set of footsteps nearby, the young woman snapped out of her trance, looking up to see none other than the white cat who was watching them from the start. "Schrodinger?" She asked, "What are you doing up here?" Standing in front of her, the feline then turned to look in the direction where Janus had gone.
"I expected him as much," disappointment rang in his voice before turning to her. "Don't worry about him; he'll be back in no time," the cat stated assuredly, "after all, he can't be so stupid to abandon us so easily when there is an enemy lurking in the shadows."
Taken aback by his nonchalant response, she nonetheless asked about the situation there: "How could you say that?!" Standing up, she marched towards Schrodinger, who didn't seem threatened at all. "We need to find a way to reach him," her eyes gleamed in determination.
Despite the confident facade the young girl presents, the cat merely glanced away from her. "Janus can handle himself," the white feline responded casually. "Let him recover; he will come around shortly." His blue eyes showed confirmation of what he said. "For now, we should return to our rooms," he advised before walking off.
Although reluctant, the young woman nodded in silence, looking up at the sky once more with her hands clenched tightly. "Why can't he see how much it hurts me to see him keep suffering on his own?" she wondered before following suit. "How long will you realize that you were never alone?"
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