Choice is a precious gift.  Too many take it for granted, and only those who have lost it realize what a true blessing it really is.

Adir Radd, Hope in Darkness

Ianus sat on the corner of his bed.  The vision still haunted him.  Had he acted too rashly?  He was always getting too hot under the collar and running off into danger.  He needed to talk to someone, but who?  If he told Daru, they would have another pointless argument about going to the Forbidden Lands of Adrakaya.  He didn’t want another argument.  He wanted to talk to Ihy, but that was out of the question.  Neither Pryor nor Maya would give him objective advice, and he didn’t know any of the others well enough to ask them.

Stretching over the bed, he picked up his Benben-stone.  He sat up.  Motionless, he stared at the strange writing and inlaid gold across the top.  He ran his finger across the lettering.

Flames spiraled out of the obelisk in his hand, and Nahimanna, the Bennu, swooped around him.  She landed on the bed and looked at him.

“Remember you said if I ever needed insight or inspiration I should come to you... well, I need someone to talk to, and I really don’t have anyone.”

“You don’t need to be so gloomy about it, Sir,” Nahimanna said, her voice almost lyrical, “I am not an imaginary friend.  I do have a mind.  I think.  I can even reason with people when given half a chance.”

“I’m sorry.  You are the first Eidolon I’ve ever, well, known.  Until I met you, I had always thought of your kind as toys.”

“You know, in the old days, makers would call on us for wise counsel, and summon hordes of my kind to serve as armies.”

“I’ve read the stories,” Ianus said, forcing the nightmares out of his mind, “They refer to eidolons as spirits, how was I supposed to know they were the same thing.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I did not mean to get you angry.  I hear a great many things, and the things I’ve heard lately have rather ruffled my feathers.  What does sir need of me?”

Ianus scooted himself up onto the bed, and folded his legs.  “I’ve had another vision, but there was something wrong with it.  I saw Uma Nari wearing a breastplate and carrying a spear.  The funny thing is in the middle, she looked like a dead old man.”

“It couldn’t have been Uma Nari, she would have never been dressed for battle.  That much is certain.  You said, it turned into a dead old man?”

Ianus struggled to remember the face, “An old man with ashy blue skin.”

“Did you, perchance, feel something brush against your face?”

“Now that you mention it, I did.”

Nahimanna walked over to Ianus, “I was afraid this might happen,” her voice trailed off.

“What are you talking about?  What’s wrong?”

“You were touched by a Raewyn.  It would have had to be a very old Raewyn to pull it off.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The Raewyn have the ability to cast people’s minds into a simulacrum, everything they experience there is quite real to them.”

“A simulacrum, you mean like the one when I was initiated into the Jade Moon?”

“After a fashion, you see, a well trained maker can place someone into a simulacrum, but very few can control what the person sees.  To the Raewyn, this comes naturally.  But if you didn’t actually see the Raewyn touch you, they must have been very old.” 

“He could have come up from behind me.”

“Still, he would have had to put his hands over your eyes, unless, of course, he was extremely ancient.  Did the apparition say anything?”

“He asked me to, well, told me to go to Tai-wer, to find Usekht Maati.”

“Usekht Maati?  That was the Enmadra’s capitol city!  It would take you deep into the forbidden lands.  It sounds to me like someone wants to get you killed, sir.  What do you plan to do about it?”

“I will go!”  Ianus announced before he lost his nerve. “Everyone has told me to go, then, I’ll go.”

“I do not think that is wise.  If you wish to find Usekht Maati, it would be better to find an A’nath-ari who could take you, then to run around on your own.”

“How, exactly, would I do that?”  Ianus asked.

“Let it be known that you are looking,” Nahimanna straightened her posture.  “If you are subtle enough, one will find you.”

“And in the meantime, I have to put up with people telling me to go.”

“You don’t know that, sir.”

“Nahimanna, if you knew that your father’s last wish was for you to go somewhere that you could go, would you?”

“I think you want to go, sir.  You are looking for an excuse to explore the forbidden lands, and you only want me to approve your decision.”

“Maybe,” Ianus slumped in the bed, “I have been dreaming about it.  Ever since Ihy told me to go, I haven’t been able to think about anything else.  I have to go.”

Nahimanna sighed, “Will you tell the others?”

“No.  If I did they would want to come with me, and I can’t allow that.  It’s all right if I die, but I won’t endanger them for no reason.”

Nahimanna rested her head on Ianus shoulder.  “You will at least talk to everyone before you go.  If I may say so, sir, you should at least say some sort of goodbye to them before you go.”

Ianus stroked her under her chin, “Don’t worry about me, I will.  I can’t just leave them after all.”

Daru looked around the ship for Ianus.  No one seemed to know where he was.  Sakkara and Khensu thought they had seen him in the temple gardens, but even they weren’t sure.  A lead was a lead, so Daru went up to the gardens to look for him.

He was there, sitting on a bench.

“Hello Ianus,” she said as she approached, “How are you doing today?”

“Better than I have been.  I can see the path clearer.”

“The path?  Where does it lead you?”

“Into the future, of course,” Ianus chuckled.  “We all have a destiny.  We can only choose whether we fight it, ignore it, or follow it.  The problem is we rarely get a glimpse of it.  I have seen, at least, a part of mine.  I will follow it for now.”

“You didn’t answer me.  Where does it lead you?”

“I would rather not say, and with everything that’s been happening lately, do you blame me.  You never know who’s listening.”

“Your not getting paranoid, are you?”  Daru asked.  “We don’t need two Tuun’s on the ship.”

“I quite agree,” Ianus laughed, “I will not become another Tuun Fallon.  Aashen on the other hand, that could be fun.”

“Infuriating, but not fun.” Daru shook her head.  “I’ve been worried about you.  You’ve been through so much lately.”

“I knew what I was signing up for when I took my vows.  This is the life of a maker.”

“Well, I’ve been under vows longer than you have, and I must say, my life was never like this.”

Ianus patted the bench, “Sit down.  I have something I need to ask you.”

Daru sat, and crossed her legs, “What is it?”

“Please, don’t bother Tara anymore.  She needs time to think.”

“Are you saying I was right about her?”

“All I am saying, is that she is having a lot of problems right now.  If you want to help her, then help her, but don’t push.  She too is at a crossroads.  She must decide for herself which way she will go.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Listen carefully.  I have retrieved the To’asaa.  It is in my room.  I did not have to take it, but it was not given to me.  I’m sorry for the riddle, but it is not safe to discuss such things openly.”

“That, I can understand.  Maybe if we changed the subject.”

Ianus nodded.

Daru placed her hand on his shoulder.  “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, lately.  You know you are always in my prayers.”

“Thank you.  I pray for you, as well.”

“I keep wondering where we are going to go after we leave here, what are we going to do.”

“I don’t know.  I’ve thought about that too.  I haven’t reported our progress to the Camarilla, but I’m sure Barami has.  They haven’t issued any instructions.  The crew seemed to be looking to me for leadership.  I’m no leader.”

“Why would you say that?  You are a natural.  I’ve never seen anyone more capable.  You know you are going to inherit the ship, and in turn receive the position.”

“It is,” Ianus closed his eyes, “Was Ihy’s ship.  Maya should inherit all of Ihy’s possessions, including the ship.  She was practically his spouse, and if the law was different, she would have been.”

“You know about that do you.”

“I’m not blind.  They are the only parents I can remember.  I saw the way they looked at each other, held each other.  In every way that matters, they were married.”

“Except in law.”

“Yes,” Ianus quickly looked away from Daru.

She smiled.  He had tried to hide it, but she saw the warmth in his eyes.

“I wish Ihy was still with us,” Ianus said.

“He is, in a way.”

“Don’t start, I don’t want to have this conversation again.  Not today.”

“Have you tried talking to him?  I have.  He’s a little confused, but he talks like Ihy did.  You should at least try to talk to him.”

“About what?”

“Talk to him about your childhood.  Talk to him about your life.  Tell him all the things you want to tell Ihy.  He will listen.  It’ll be good for him.  It will help him assimilate his former life.”

“And then what?  I suppose you want me to talk to him until I run out of words, and have a tender moment of reconciliation and healing.”

“If that’s what happens.  Just go, and do something with him that you used to do with Ihy.  It’ll do you both some good.”

Tara approached the temple slowly.  She had watched several Camenae practicing in the courtyard earlier in the week, so she thought it would be all right for her to practice her art there too.  She had looked into the relationship between the Jade Moon and the Camenae, just to be sure it wouldn’t cause offense.  Relations had been good for millennia.  She even asked Selwyn, and he had given his approval.  He even gave her a note to give anyone who disturbed her.

Taking a deep breath, she formed a sword with her periapt.  A step forward and slid backward.  She thrusted.  Quickly, she pivoted on her left leg.  Bringing the sword over her head, she slashed the empty space in front of her.

“Hello, girl,” the memory of Panthera’s voice echoed in her ears.

*I was too young,* she thought, *I was only ten.  How was I supposed to know?*

She turned, slashing behind her and thrusting the blade forward.  She drew the sword up sharply.

“Hello, girl.”  The memory returned, “What are you doing?”

“Practicing to serve,” she had replied.

Tara shook her head, “Concentrate,” she said to her self.

She leapt into the air, and turned her body.  Shoving the tip of the blade between two of the paving stones, she balanced on the sword.

“What do you serve?”  The memory of Panthera asked.

“The truth.”

“What is the truth?”

“We are all one, and must submit to that one.”

Tara wobbled, her balance faltered.  Shaking, she barely managed to land on her feet.

“Not now,” she muttered, “I don’t need this, I don’t want this.  I must keep control.”

She steadied herself.  She focused her mind and turned the sword into a spear.  Twirling the spear in her hand, she began to move in a rhythmic pattern around the courtyard.

“Do you still serve the truth?”  She remembered Panthera say the second time she met him.

He seemed so powerful, beyond anything she had ever seen before.  He was so enticing, he was like a kind friend of the family who would come over and visit bearing gifts.

“Do you still serve the truth?”  He had asked.

“I do!”

“Do you wish to serve with all your being?”

“I do!”

“Do you really?”

*That’s when it started to go wrong,* she thought, *That’s when he taught me the litany of the machine.  It was such an innocent prayer, but the absolutism.  I didn’t realize at the time what I had done.*

She threw the spear and did cartwheels after it.  The spear landed, and Tara grabbed it as she swung past it, but she grabbed it in the wrong place.  The tip snapped off.

Tara sighed and shook her head.  *I should have done that better.*  She thought.

She turned the remains of the spear into a footman’s lance.  She ran her hand down the handle and the long flat blade.

Tossing it from hand to hand, she spun in place.  A deadly twister, she ran from one side of the courtyard to the other.  She did a quarter turn with each step. 

“Have you practiced the litany?”  Panthera had asked on their third meeting.

“Yes, it is quite soothing.”

“Do you understand it?”

“Not really.”

“It means that we are the sole possessors of truth.  Everyone else is on the path to destruction.”

“Everyone?”

“Do you ever hear the song of the machine?  Have you ever paid attention to the words?”

Tara dropped the lance, and fell to the ground.  “Why?”  She exclaimed as she prostrated herself.  Pain shot through her.  “This is a nightmare.”

The song of the machine crackled in the back of her mind.  The voices of unknown masses of people all sharing their experiences at once.  There was no dominant voice, and none of them agreed.

When Tara had first heard the song, she thought it was a brilliant unstructured symphony.  She had trained her mind to hear only the voices of specific people.  Only then could she hear the words.  She had never realized so many had to be silenced to hear just that one voice.  Now, the song was nothing but a droning cacophony.  She tried to push them to the back of her mind.

“This can’t go on, this can’t continue!  I can’t take it any more!  There has to be a better way.”

Ianus walked around the corner of the temple.  He and Daru had just finished talking and Daru wanted to explore the forest, Ianus was going to the ship.  He hadn’t practiced his art for over a week, and wanted to use the ship’s gym.

He came down the hill, preparing his mind for his practice when something caught his attention.  There was a boat down off the edge of the pier.  Someone was fishing.  Ianus couldn’t tell who it was.  They had evidently noticed him because they were rowing to shore.  As the boat got closer, Ianus began to see more details.  It was Arun!  What should he do?  Ianus thought about running, but would it chase after him?

The boat reached the shore before Ianus could move.

“You are Ianus,” said Arun, tentatively, “You are his...  my son, aren’t you?”

Ianus felt trapped.  He didn’t know what to do.  Should he answer?  Should he run?  The questions raced through his mind.  If Daru found out he had passed up an opportunity to talk to Arun, she would kill him before he ever got to the Forbidden Lands.

“Yes, I was Ihy’s son.”

Arun furrowed his brow and was obviously in deep thought.  “Selwyn told me that I was Ihy.  He showed me pictures.  I look like him.  Sometimes, I can even remember being him.  I feel so lost.  Out of place, do you know what I’m talking about?”

“Yes,” Ianus said, slowly, “I understand completely.”

“I just don’t know what to do with myself.  So many people are asking so many things of me.  They all have their own plans for my life.  They don’t care, or at least they don’t ask what I want.  The worst part is, I don’t know what I want.  They won’t even give me time to figure that out for myself.”  Arun looked up at Ianus, “Would you like to come and fish with me?”

Ianus felt a lump in his throat, and a stinging in his eyes.  He never dreamed that Arun had emotions.  He knew all too well what it felt like to be pulled in a thousand different directions by people with their own agendas for him.  He knew what it felt like to look in the mirror and see a stranger looking back at him.

Without answering, he climbed into the boat.  Arun smiled and rowed the boat out past the end of the pier.  They both cast their lines into the water.

“Do you remember?”  Ianus asked, “Do you remember, we used to go fishing all the time?”

“Part of me remembers.  It feels like such a long time ago.  I do remember the first time you came into my care.  Maya was so sad.  She had been a friend of your birth mother for a long time.  It was such a sad day.  You were so young and innocent.  You didn’t understand what had happened.  Your smile helped us through those dark days.  I remember that quite clearly.  Your cherubic smile was such a blessing to us.”

Ianus blushed.

“Did I say something wrong?”  Arun asked.

“No.  You said something very right.  I’m sorry I treated you so badly.  I was upset, and if you remember, I have trouble controlling my emotions.”

“I remember that,” Arun laughed, “I don’t think I could ever forget that.”

“You are not what I thought you would be Arun Namid,” said Ianus, choosing his words carefully.  “When I first saw you, I thought I had lost my father forever, but now that I have met you.  I’m wondering.”

“But you’re not sure.”

“One can never be sure, one can only believe and see.  That’s what you taught me.”

“So I did.”

“Do you remember what you said to me in the hospital.  You told me to go to Usekht Maati.  You told me to find the A’nath-ari.  Do you know why?  Do you remember why you said that?”

Arun glanced around, “You will find your rest there.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, that’s all I remember.  Are you planning to go?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Ianus lied.

“Then I thought you should go, but now I think you should stay.  It is too dangerous.  If anything I need stability right now.”

“We all do, but change is the only constant in the universe.  You will have to learn to rely on that.”

“I don’t know if I can.  My programming is designed to handle constants and variables.  Uncertainty is a problem.”

Something tugged at Ianus’ line; his fishing pole arched.  “Well think about it this way.  I just caught something, I don’t know what it is yet, but I know it’s on the end of the line.”

Three hours later, Ianus went up to his room to retrieve the To’asaa.  It was such a nice day, he thought he would enjoy practicing in the courtyard at sunset.  He put the To’asaa on his right hand.  Before he left, he grabbed the red periapt he had somehow gotten during his initiation, and put it into his pocket.

On the courtyard, he stretched, and took a deep breath.  He centered himself.  He could feel the raw power pulsating through the To’asaa.  It was different from the one he regularly used.  It had a subtle wisdom, almost as if it knew what to do before it was asked.

He formed a double bladed battle-axe.

Something felt wrong.  The weapon formed easily, but there was some kind of resistance to his thoughts.

Ianus closed his eyes, and focused on the implant that allowed him to communicate with the periapt.  A soft display flooded his vision.

*Perform diagnostic, right hand, periapt connection,* he thought.

The display flickered and read, “Processing.”  After less than a minute, the display read, “Performance is optimal.”

Ianus sighed, and closed the display.  Opening his eyes, he looked down at the To’asaa.  “You are not for me,” he said, glumly.  “At least that rules one thing out.”

He took off the To’asaa and put it in his pocket.  He pulled out the red periapt.  It fit perfectly.  A mild euphoria swept over him.

He ran towards the temple, and leapt toward the wall.  Rebounding off the stones, he flew across the courtyard into the trees on the other side.  He hooked his foot on one of the branches, and flipped around.  As he plummeted to the ground, he formed a smooth staff.

The tip of the staff hit the paving stone, and he twisted his body around so he was right side up.  He fell forward.  He twirled the staff with his right hand.  The staff tapped the ground and carried him across the courtyard until he reached the other side.

Ianus landed on his feet and spun the staff in his hands around his body:  Front to back, and back to front.  He stopped holding the staff in line with his arm.

Amazed at the ease with which the periapt responded to his every wish, he laughed, and melted the staff back into the periapt.  It was like an extension of his body.  It was like he had a strong relationship with it.  It was far better than the periapt he had been using.

His mind wandered, “I wonder who gave this to me?”

He heard footsteps approaching behind him.

“Hello, Daru,” he smiled.

“How did you know it was me?”  Daru said, walking out from around the temple.

“I recognized your footsteps— you have a very regular pattern.  Did you have a good time in the forest?”

“Yeah, it reminds me of home.  I ran into a couple of Camenae, they were very nice.  We had a long talk about everything you could imagine— the arts, philosophy, and politics. They were very concerned about the direction the Camarilla of the Jade Moon has been going.  They said they didn’t think any of the orders should be that involved in politics.  I have to say I agree with them.”

“Me too.  No one with as much influence as we have should be allowed to sway the populace like that.  Pryor says he thinks Master Theron is planning something.”

“Like what?  You don’t think he would violate the rule, do you?”

“Well, according to my reading, he already has.  The rule strictly forbids making political statements on behalf of the order, and he has already done that.  Pryor also told me that he’s heard there is a growing movement to have him either disciplined or expelled from the order.”

“Do you think it will really come to that?  No member of the Camarilla has been censured or impeached since Panthera’s time.”

“I don’t know.  I think he’s setting himself up to take political office.”

“But that would get him excommunicated.”

“Not if he renounces his vows.”

“Do you think that’s likely?”

“I really don’t know anymore.  If you would have asked me a month ago if I thought Panthera was alive and positioning himself to return, I would have said no.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” Ianus asked  “Do you think that was Panthera who attacked Ihy back on Al-Benu?”

“No.” Daru shook her head.  “Their fighting styles were too different.”

“Then that means there is someone else still out there.”

“Maybe I should ask Tara about it.”

“No!  She will volunteer that information when she’s ready.  It’s late.  I really need to get to bed, I have a long day planned for tomorrow.”

Ianus went down to the ship.  Daru followed right behind him.  After boarding the ship, Ianus carefully said his goodbye.  She was reluctant to leave him, but eventually she saw the wisdom in getting a goodnight sleep.  She told him goodnight, and that if he couldn’t sleep, she would be on the bridge with Maya, Pryor, and Khensu.

Relieved and a little saddened that she had finally left him in peace. Ianus went to his room.

All of his possessions were packed away into two bags.  Sitting down in front of his terminal, he drummed his fingers on the desk.

“Computer.  Show me the locations of the three Kishanu,” he said with some hesitance in his voice.

A map of the ship appeared on the monitor.  Three dots flashed; two on the bridge and one in the aft.

“Computer.  Are any of them alone?”

“Yes,” the computer responded, “Mista is in hibernation, conserving power.”

“Awake her, and have her meet me here.”

Ianus bit his lip. He knew this decision would change the course of the rest of his life.  For better or worse, he could no longer tell.  Someone had to do something.

They had spent too much time reacting, someone had to step up and take an active role in the future.  No longer would he allow his life to be controlled by so many unseen hands.

He had spent the day saying his goodbyes, but he knew that no one knew what he was about to do.

He wished he could have told them what he was doing.  He knew they wouldn’t understand.  He had done a good job of avoiding Tuun.  With all of his gifts, he would have known immediately what Ianus was going to do.

Ianus picked up his Benben-stone.  *Should I open it?  Should I talk to Nahimanna one more time before I pass the point of no return?  No, she could not help me now.*

The now familiar pressure of his vision weighed on his forehead.  Again, he could see a tapestry being woven.  The threads were winding tightly around each other.  He could see shadowy hands moving quickly between them, cutting some threads and introducing others.  Something had changed.  A new force was woven in with the others.

Maybe it was what he was doing.  Perhaps he was the hand that changed the pattern.

The doorbell rang, painfully dragging him away from the vision.  A dull headache replaced the tapestry in his head.

“Come in,” he said and sighed.

Mista walked in with a broad smile on her face.

“Hurry now,” Ianus picked up his bags, “We have a lot of work to do, and very little time to do it.”

Daru entered the bridge and the discussion abruptly stopped.

“Am I interrupting something?”  She asked.

Pryor, Maya, and Khensu all had a curious look on their faces.

“You know Ianus better then any of us,” Pryor said, “Do you have any idea how he got the To’asaa back!”

Daru hesitated; she didn’t know what to say.  “How do you know he got the To’asaa back?”  A safe question that didn’t let on how much she knew.

“He gave it to Aashen earlier today,” said Maya.  “Just handed it to him like it wasn’t a big deal.  Aashen pushed him for information, but he wouldn’t say.”

“Where is it now?”

“It is in the chapel,” said Pryor, “Thought it would be safer on the ship then it would be anywhere else.”

The ship rocked violently, Daru braced herself against the door to keep from falling.

“What was that?”  She exclaimed, as she ran to her post at tactical.  “Are we under attack?”

“Sensors didn’t register weapon’s fire,” said Khensu, “The automatic systems would have engaged if they had.”

The ship lurched again to port.

“O no!”  Maya said.

“What is it?”  Daru looked down, “I don’t believe it.  He wouldn’t!”

“The Mista has separated from the main ship,” said Maya, “It is requesting clearance to depart from orbital control.”

“Do the same!”  Pryor shouted, “Khensu, do a role call, I don’t care if their busy or asleep, we have to know whose on that ship.”

“I believe I do,” said Daru, “Khensu, try Ianus first.  O please don’t be him.”  She looked over at Pryor, “May I have the con until Tuun gets up here?”

Pryor nodded.

Daru powered up the engines and began to back the ship away from the land.

“We have received clearance to depart the planet,” said Maya, “We can depart as soon as we’ve reached the dish.”

“Ianus is not answering,” said Khensu.

“By the stars that birthed us, he is going to Adrakaya!”  Daru exclaimed, “We have to stop him, before he kills himself.”